Now

A now page, reformatted as an agile board against everyone's better judgment.

Almost everything on this page exists because I wanted to understand something and building the thing turned out to be the only honest way to find it out. None of it is my job, which is exactly why it works. There is no deadline and no roadmap to answer to, so I get to follow whatever question I am chasing all the way down and ship the result while it is still rough, without anyone deciding whether a half-finished thing counts as a release. Most of what I actually know came out of those messy versions, the ones I would never have been allowed to publish anywhere that was keeping score, and the through line is that I read the spec properly and try to leave behind something small and correct that will still run in twenty years.

Right now that looks like:

And because it amused me, here is that same set of things laid out as an agile board, ceremony and all.

SPRINT 47  |  Two weeks long and entirely fictional
SPRINT GOAL: Ship something. Ideally the thing I committed to last sprint.
DAILY STANDUP: Attended by one person, who already knew.
WIP LIMIT: 3.   CURRENT WIP: 4, because limits are aspirational.

Backlog 4

LIFE-002 Sleep

Continually deprioritised. No acceptance criteria.

somedaywont-fix-probably
LEARN-008 Complete the Arm Assembler for Dummies course

Writes assemblers from scratch. Bought the book anyway. Still on chapter one.

self-improvement
DOCS-001 Write documentation

Refined approximately never.

tech-debt
SHIP-099 Finish the other thirty repos

Estimate exceeds the heat death of the universe.

epicscope-creep

In Progress 4

TENSIX-001 Write an assembler nobody asked for

Turns out it's the only one that exists.

pts: 13 · assignee: me spiteyak-shaving
QUANTUM-42 Compile Fortran to a quantum computer

SLATEC routines run now. The maths from 1972 meets the hardware from the future.

pts: unestimable · assignee: me cursedno-prior-art
BARRA-77 A GPU compiler that targets the un-targeted

CUDA in, AMD and NVIDIA and Tenstorrent out, tested by simulating nuclear reactors.

pts: 21 · assignee: me from-scratch
Z390-118 Keep a mainframe emulator alive

The one I don't joke about. The z390 team is extraordinary, and I'm grateful to be building the COBOL statements it was missing alongside the people who originally wrote it.

pts: 8 · assignee: me mainframe

Blocked 3

QUANTUM-43 Run SLATEC past the I/O boundary

Blocked by the laws of physics. Will not be unblocked. Working as designed.

P0wontfix
VOYAGER-1 Restart the spacecraft computer

Blocked by a 22-hour round-trip light delay. Awaiting reply.

external-dependency
HIRE-001 Get a job

Blocked by a perfectly good day job. Nobody's in a hurry.

low-priority

Done 4

DOOM-1993 Run DOOM on a quantum computer

Closed as somehow-worked. Real WAD pixels, real superconducting hardware.

done
FFMPEG-x Hand-write AVX2 nobody will read

Maintainers said thanks, which in FFmpeg is a standing ovation.

done
Z390-704 Implement the long-missing COBOL SORT macro

Shipped to the people who still run mainframes. Both of them are delighted.

done
OCAML-1 Fix a runtime exception in the compiler

Xavier Leroy gave me SSH access, which I am reading as code-review approval.

done

Velocity: yes.

Story points calibrated against vibes. One point is roughly one vibe.

Definition of Done: it compiles and I got bored. That, and nobody is updating the Voyager standard anymore.

Retrospective: the Product Owner, the Scrum Master, and the sole developer are the same person. Retros are tense. Action items are never actioned.

Burndown chart available on request. It does not burn down.

Day job in finance. Studying at AUT. Reachable at zanehambly@gmail.com if any of this is your kind of thing.

Board last groomed: never. Last updated: June 2026.